HTH:D.Love - hopetohealing.com

Joy
by Deb S. Love

HISTORY
July 25, 1950 is my birth date and Milwaukee is where I was born and have lived all my life. I am the oldest of four siblings. One sister is a year younger and my brother and youngest sister are eight and ten years younger respectively. We are of the Jewish faith. My physical development was delayed due to thyroid deficiency that was discovered when I was three months old.. This caused me to have physical problems with manual dexterity, balance and coordination all through my school years. I still have difficulties.

MENTAL ILLNESS
There were other factors that led to problems with phobias, Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem and relationship difficulties. When I was sixteen, I felt especially depressed, hopeless, helpless to change my situation, and desperate and I acted on these feelings. A few months later, I had weekly appointments with a psychiatrist who helped me survive the last two years of high school. I was placed in an "adaptive" physical education class which was better for me. I have been voluntarily hospitalized twice. The first time was because of severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I was recently divorced and feeling desperate about my financial situation. The second hospitalization occurred five years later. The admitting psychiatrist diagnosed me as having Bipolar Disorder and started me on lithium and an antidepressant. The psychiatrist who took over my care, recently discontinued the lithium due to certain side effects. I have never had any experiences with the manic side of Bipolar Disorder. Occasionally, I experience mood swings but this doesn't disturb me.

My parents and siblings live out of state since 1971. I visit my parents for two weeks every year. Our relationship has improved, especially since I am doing much better with employment.

EDUCATION
After high school, I attended a two year college in Illinois. I enjoyed living in a dorm on campus. I finally had a group of friends. I didn't do well in my classes until the second year. For the first time, I was able to tutor students instead of being the one who needed a tutor. I went back to school eight years later to earn enough credits for an Associate of Arts degree in liberal arts at MATC. I was a paid tutor at the Milwaukee Area Technical College and I graduated with a Phi Theta Kappa honor certificate. Later on I took a Computer Accounting Course at MBTI-Business Training Institute. I did very well there also.

EMPLOYMENT
Even though I was doing much better in school courses, I had a long string of employment failures. I worked less than two years at most of my jobs, due to lack of self-confidence and people problems. My lack of speed became an issue at many of the jobs I had. I suspect that it was due to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I felt that I was losing control over my efforts to be accurate, so I would recheck my work numerous times to make sure I wasn't making a mistake. I was told about the Grand Avenue Club by a therapist I was going to and by a friend at my church. The Grand Avenue Club is one of an international network of clubhouses whose purpose is to help adults who live with mental illness become employed. I became a member and worked at the clubhouse at first. I liked working in the Clerical Unit, writing articles for the monthly newsletter. "Love On The Loose" became my identity because I would go around the clubhouse asking members for their view points on current events and issues. I joined the "Friday Writers" group, an extracurricular activity at the clubhouse, and discovered that I have a gift for creative writing. I have written many poems. After two months, I was given the opportunity to try a Transitional Employment job. I did three complete six month, twenty hour "TEs". The staff members at the clubhouse train the members on those jobs. After I completed the third TE, a staff member told me about a job opening at the Foley & Lardner Law Firm, for a Library Clerk. Foley & Lardner provides TE positions for clubhouse members. As it happens, none of my TEs was at this law firm. I was apprehensive but I applied for the position. The Grand Avenue Club staff members supported me all through the process. I was hired and started on July 31, 1998 to work thirty-two hours a week. Almost six years later, today, I am still in this position. I've been working a forty hour week for the last five years. I am more confident of my abilities, I have better self-esteem, and I have had positive annual performance reviews with pay raises. My hope is that I will be working for Foley & Lardner until I reach retirement age. I enjoy working in the library because of the rich variety of tasks that I do.

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
After my first hospitalization for depression, I visited a church that a long time friend attends. My intent was to hear the choir he directs. I received a warm welcome from other church members and the senior pastor, so I kept coming. The senior pastor and I talked. I told him about my history and my relationship and employment failures. He didn't judge me, instead he was reassuring and encouraging. He suggested that I participate in a Bible study class since this is a good way to have fellowship and form relationships with the church family. I enjoyed learning about Jesus Christ and the church. Many of the friendships that I was able to develop I still enjoy today. I decided to convert to Christianity and become a member of this church family. My long time friend stood at my side on Palm Sunday, March 31, 1985 when I was baptized. My parents didn't understand why it was so important for me to convert to Christianity, but they didn't cut me off from their lives. Accepting Jesus has made a very positive difference in me. Last year I mentioned, in a covenant group I was part of, that I would like to establish a ministry for adults who live with mental illness and for family members. Three people in the group including our associate pastor worked with me to form this ministry. I did a "Faith Sharing" one Sunday to tell our church family about this ministry. During October of 2003, we started a support group. There are fifteen members who participate on a weekly basis. We share our feelings about what happened during the week. We also read books and watch video tapes about mental illness.

I feel respected and appreciated by my church family and my peers and attorneys at work. I believe that my family notices the improvements I have made. There are still challenges with my mental illness, but it doesn't keep me from accomplishing whatever goals I set for myself. I am productive and content with my lifestyle. I have meaning to my life and I am optimistic about my present and future. I feel great joy.

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