Fixing a Hole
by Michael Pietrzak

"I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday."
The Beatles "Fixing a Hole"

I often recall the opening line of Charles Dickens' novel A Tale of Two Cities: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...". For it's a reflection of the first half-century of my life. Two Wisconsin cities - Milwaukee and Madison.

I was raised in Milwaukee. Then, at the age of thirty-four, I ventured to Madison where I lived for a period of sixteen years--from 1986 to 2001. In 2001, I returned to Milwaukee. Perhaps, it was inevitable; it was definitely time.

The years in Madison were marked by continuous successes--personal and career development; a heightened sense of self-reliance; increased personal independence; and financial freedom--the best of times. However, those years were also marked by two periods of severe depression, in 1993 and in 2001--the worst of times.

With the help of my family, I relocated back to Milwaukee--something I never could have accomplished without their help and support. The move, in the beginning, brought some comfort. Yet, my mind was still absorbed with depression, fear, and heightened anxiety. It was also filled with a sense of hopelessness. My family felt a sense of frustration--and helplessness.

Ironically, I reached the low point of my illness at the same time our nation, as a whole, was suffering from mental anguish. For, what followed the evening of my admission to the Milwaukee County mental health complex, was the morning of September 11, 2001. My own depression mirrored the nation's elevated state of anxiety, grief, apprehension, and fear. At the same time, I felt disconnected from my soul; and distant from the Spirit of God. For both America and myself, it was, indeed, the worst of times.

However, what happened next for me, was a series of events that led to unexpected good fortune. It was a gradual process, but it was unfolding in a positive direction. It was a turning point; a new beginning.

A care coordinator from the Milwaukee County Mental Health Division, now aware of my situation, worked with my family to get me placed in a group home. The home was called Welcome House and it was run by an organization named Social Rehabilitation & Residential Resources (SRRR, for short).

I lived at the group home for two years. It turned out to be just what I needed during this period of my life. I was living side by side with other men who were experiencing similar challenges in their own lives. At the same time, I was learning life skills that I was putting to use on a daily basis. We held weekly study group sessions on such topics as the recovery process and spirituality. The sessions were beneficial for me because they gave me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings and to share them with others.

Most important of all, I was beginning to recover from my illness. I was able to actually feel the healing process working within me. By this time, I was also placed on the right medications; I could feel their benefits as well. I was reconnecting with other people and I was reconnecting with my soul. I was becoming more and more aware of God's presence in this whole recovery process.

Through the group home, I also became involved with another organization called Our Space. It is a self-described "psychosocial rehab center" that offers many recovery-oriented programs and services for people that have experienced some form of mental illness. It provided new opportunities for me to meet people and new outlets for my self-expression.

More and more, I was connecting with like-minded individuals and working with them toward achieving common goals. I was also beginning to discover my life's true purpose.

In the latter part of 2003, I was elected to the board of directors of both Our Space and SRRR.

In the spring of 2004, through my association with Our Space, I was asked to be part of a mental health task force steering committee. The purpose of the committee was to plan and organize a mental health summit conference. I was also asked to be one of the speakers on a discussion panel that was to be a part of the event.

On August 24, 2004, the Milwaukee Mental Health Summit was held at the Italian Community Center. I had the opportunity, and the privilege, of delivering a speech in front of a crowd of more than 300 people that were in attendance. They represented all facets of the field of mental health. I now could see a pattern that had been developing: I was formulating a message and sharing it with more and more people.

"Now, in September of 2004, I am taking part in a new program that is a partnering between Our Space and SRRR. The project involves the providing of supervised apartment housing for people with mental illness that are making a transition from group homes or other such facilities. I have volunteered my services as one of the peer/mentors that operate an on-site resource center for the benefit of the mental health consumer/tenants. It is offering me a fresh and challenging opportunity that is both satisfying and personally fufilling.

As I look back over the last three years, I realize that perhaps there is positive side to illness. It gives you permission to take a "time out." It alerts you to areas in your life that may be suffering from neglect. It gives you time to re-examine your direction in life; and to evaluate whether or not setting a new course would be preferable or more beneficial. Maybe--just maybe-the purpose of illness is to serve as a catalyst for necessary change.

As I worked through my recovery, I realized that it was a process that treated the whole person, not just the illness. It is an on-going process--a natural rhythm of progress and occasional setbacks--maybe even a relapse. Yet the important thing to remember is that any setback, no matter how lengthy, is only temporary. That is because we each possess the greatest gift of all--a resilient and indomitable spirit.

That is why I describe recovery as a spiritual journey: For me, Spirituality is experiencing the presence of God daily in our lives. Through recovery, we reconnect with our soul; and our spirit reconnects with the Spirit of God within us. We find that as we learn to trust more in God, we are, at the same time, learning to trust more in ourselves. We learn to trust our inner wisdom--our intuition--in making sound decisions that affect our lives; and in guiding us back on course, especially when we get off track from our life's purpose.

Recovery is a recapturing of what was lost. It is a rediscovery of our hidden talents, our natural "gifts", and our life's true purpose. Recovery is also a process of renewal, where each new day is a new opportunity--a fresh start--with no attachment to the setbacks or negative experiences of the past. There is no need for guilt or remorse regarding the past. For everything that you have experienced--both good and bad--played a part in making you the person that you have become today. It is the spiritual journey; it is the perpetual unfolding of the process of recovery.

The future is an open book waiting to be written. As long as we focus our minds on staying on course, God will provide the roadmap. As long as we focus on moving forward, He will supply and lay out the blueprint for our lives. And if we plant the necessary seeds, God will grow for us the Tree of Life.

We learn to keep our lives in focus by following our heart's desire, by discovering our life's purpose, and by sharing our God-given talents with others. It is also necessary to take the time to re-examine our lives and determine what is most important to us; to take the time to re-order our priorities.

That is the life challenge that I have accepted for myself; that is the point where I am at in my life today. In the words of The Beatles: "I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday."

I strongly believe that as I live by this philosophy, "the best of times" will always be within my reach.

Story edited by John Veierstahler and published by HopeToHealing.com
with permission of Michael Pietrzak.
© 2004 Michael Pietrzak