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Thankfulness in Schizoeffective
by Kim Bartlett
I could ask myself why God did this to me, but instead I give him thanks. I thank him for
the schizoeffective disorder for many reasons. First of all, it has given me a voice to
speak out on a subject that I feel deeply about. I was once a very timid shy individual;
never speaking on matters that concerned me. I was very fearful and lonely. But you
know God had a plan for my life.
I spent almost twenty years of my life with voices and paranoia to the point that I could not
function on my own. The medications caused me to drool and be very sedated. I
didn't have many friends to speak of. I was always very sensitive to stimuli of any
kind. I believed without exception that someone was trying to poison my food. To
top it off, I was very depressed.
Twenty years ago I was put on a drug called Clozaril. It was a nightmare. The
Clozaril caused severe diabetes that I had to take Glucaphage, Actos, Glyberide and Insulin to
control it. I gained two hundred and fifty pounds and for a height of only 5'6", that
was a lot of weight for a female. I was simply in very poor health. But like I said,
God had a plan for my life.
I met a new doctor who saw something in me, maybe it was hope. My faith never dwindled
during my experience with the Clozaril. This new doctor suggested we might try a newer
drug called Abilify. During the change of drugs I began talking non-stop, crying almost
continuously because my emotions had been stifled for so long, I could not sleep and for four
months I had severe gastrointestinal trouble because of the Clozaril trying to get out of my
system - I could not even leave the house for this. It was a test of my faith for
sure. After about five months I lost eighty-seven pounds and the diabetes just
mysteriously went away on it's own. My love for expressing myself in writing came back to
me, along with the desire to speak out about my recovery. I started a support group at my
local Church for people desiring recovery. The schizoeffective disorder has been a
blessing in disguise.
I realize there are those people, who will not be able to comprehend my appreciation to God for
such a diagnoses, but I tell you the truth, without the schizoeffective disorder I would not be
the person I am today. Today I am a very outgoing positive person to be around. I
love my life. I have a joy beyond anyone's comprehension. I married a wonderful man
who bought my first new car since I had not been able to drive in over twenty years. My
life is a miracle today. God brought me through and he will bring you through as
well. I am a totally new person today. All thanks to my faith in Jesus
Christ. I always knew in my heart that His plan for me was to be victorious and full of
joy beyond my understanding. I am so thankful for my belief in a God who makes
provisions for those in the throe's of a mental illness such as mine. I am also thankful
for the knowledge I have acquired on the subject of mental illness in general because it has
given me such a compassionate and empathetic heart towards others who suffer. I am
thankful for the doctor who introduced me to this new medication because it gave my life
back. Life is a beautiful choice, I say live it, and live it to it's fullest.
Kim
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