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Tremendous Hope by Sr. Joan Marie Engel, SSSF
The story of my victory over OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is based on my trust in God
and can be a symbol of hope to anyone who has this disorder. My OCD, which goes back to
age 5, became more serious by the day. When I was 29 years old, I became desperate.
With the Holy Spirit's inspiration, I hospitalized myself. This was the beginning of my
approximately 42 years of psychological help. This included psychotherapy, medications,
and 10 hospitalizations. However, since I started my present medication around 12 years
ago, I have never again been hospitalized due to my OCD. I believe this is a tribute to
scientific research leading to appropriate, effective medication.
Over the years, I prayed constantly, repeating over and over again, the promises God made to us
in the book of Jeremiah of the bible.
"I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord; plans for your welfare, not
for woe; plans for a future full of hope. If you come to me, if you go to pray to me, I
will listen to you. If you look for me, And, if you seek me with all your heart, I will
be with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot." (Jeremiah 29:10-14)
In the beginning of my psychotherapy, I consoled myself by thinking my lot would be changed in
eternity. But with the help of my psychiatrists, treatments, medications,
hospitalizations, spiritual directors, and MOST ESPECIALLY GOD, who worked through all these
various helps, my lot has changed here in this life. I didn't have to wait until
eternity. The last 12 or 13 years have been heaven on earth for me. I've come to
realize that trust in God has become a very important part of my healing. Trust in my
psychiatrist, taking my medication and trust in myself all stemmed from my trust in God.
I became aware of my talents in composition and in artistic design. I started a hobby,
photo-journaling. I realized I was good at taking photos, and enjoyed it. I have
many friends. Everything is a joy. I love work, prayer, and creative
relaxation. I can go to bed and sleep because I am at peace.
Fears come at times, but no longer take over. All I can say is, "Trust in God.
Never give up. There is tremendous hope for anyone with OCD today." I am
retired now at the age of 71. My years of retirement are so beautifully peaceful and
joyful.
It was a long struggle, but I have come to be, with God's help, the victor. I will always
need medication and psychotherapy - great gifts from God to keep me well.
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