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Love Bugs by Shelley Hussey
I have bugs in my brain.
"Bugs in the Brain" is what my husband Fred calls my collective nervous habits.
It's his endearing term for my "cooties," as he also fondly refers to them. To
Fred's credit, he married me anyway, complete with the little buggars. After almost 26
years, Fred and I continue to have a strong marriage bond, and in the last two years, we've had
a termite bond. Fortunately we've never had termites, but we still have bugs - his and
mine.
We all have bugs. Even you have bugs. It's a matter of landing on a mate whose bugs
- or flaws - you can live with.
When I met Fred, it was perhaps telling and ironic that he owned a Bug, a yellow, '73
Volkswagen Beetle. I was a love-struck nervous wreck every time I was around Fred and his
Bug. In fact, he almost ended the relationship as quickly as it began. His antennae
picked up the fact that I had bugs in my brain. Fred had bugs too, besides the one he
drove in, but I thought they were "lightning" bugs - only partially apparent - and I
didn't catch them. I was too busy trying to exterminate my own anyway.
Fred and I met on a blind date through my old boyfriend Dale. He told Fred all my finer
points: that I could talk backwards, recite all 48 prepositions, make my chin disappear from my
face, and do a great impression of Richard Nixon. He also told Fred I looked like Ali
McGraw, which I didn't. I was a closer match to Quick Draw McGraw. Fred was fine
with the blind date briefing, and quick to say he never liked Ali McGraw, preferring cartoon
characters instead. Fred was getting a character all right.
What he didn't know, and would soon find out, was that I had several distracting compulsions
and nervous habits. The partial list: getting up in the middle of the night several times
to raid the refrigerator, running my fingers up, down, and across my face like it was a
keyboard, compulsively scratching, itching, and nose-twitching, and becoming dangerously
dysfunctional if I didn't get my sleep. Bottom line: I had symptoms of generalized
anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and an eating disorder.
On our second date Fred and I fell in love. I thought I better spill my bug guts and warn
him about my flaws. It was like opening up a can of Raid. Fred became quite
concerned, and I could tell he wanted to fix my problems, or at the very least, spray me.
But I put him at ease and convinced him these habits were part of my mystique - marrying me
would be no mistake.
We were engaged on our third date - four days after we met, and married twelve weeks
later. Half of our courtship we spent apart due to his job. I have to admit the
whirlwind courtship allowed virtually no time for getting to know each other. What was to
know? He was tall, handsome, and hairy - lots of chest hair inherited from his Croatian
mother's side.
While on our honeymoon I stirred up some courage to ask Fred revealing questions like,
"What's your last name?" (I jest), and a few other pertinent inquiries like:
"How do you feel about having children? How do you like your coffee? What are
YOUR bugs?" But it was too late. He'd fallen asleep, and stayed asleep during
the entire honeymoon. Turns out he had a bad case of mono. When he woke up he told
me his last name was Hussey, he wanted ten breastfed kids (!), he liked cream in his coffee,
and he didn't have any bugs, except for the one causing his sore throat. (Blind spot
about the bugs and the ten kids - we had two.)
In 2004 we "Love Bugs" celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. And as it turns
out, Fred's bugs were bigger than mine. He's a big guy, and has Big and Tall Bugs named
ADD, Anxiety, Depression, and Obsessive-Compulsions. For better or worse, we've
lasted. Truly amazing, because for most of our married life, Fred and I have struggled to
overcome numerous emotional fragilities and flaws; individually, and as a couple, while raising
a family and keeping our careers intact. We've achieved much success in working through
our various mental health issues, thanks to medicine, laughter, supportive friendships, and
divine intervention. God has given Fred and I the strength and grace to tolerate each
other's bugs - bugs, that we hope, will continue to be drawn to his light, because that's the
only way we'll make it.
"But if we are living in the light of God's presence, just as Christ does, then we have
wonderful fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from
every sin."
1John1:7
"Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be
healed."
James 5:16a.
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